I must admit I don't feel much like blogging about the situation at present, but then I thought it may be helpful to get it out of my system. Also, when I started my blog it was for the good and bad bits so I find myself typing this morning.
To say my relationship is going through something of a sticky patch at the moment is a real under statement, - rather like calling the Atlantic a bit of a puddle. Without going into huge details my partner has a tendency to a depressive nature over the last six years which runs in cycles and seems to be repeating more frequently.
I know this is a medical situation and I've always tried to help and be supportive. But the last two times (usually 4-5 month cycles) I've been gradually but increasingly shut out and the blame for whatever is presenting as the problem is being moved in my direction. "A" won't see a doctor or get involved with anything locally. It feels like I can't do any more without being dragged into a downer myself and that would be no use to either of us.
"A" moved here because he was fed up with his landlord, London and his job. I've done my best to help him get the job he wanted (successfully) and help as best I can with problems as they arise.
But in the last month, I've noticed another cycle starting. This one is different and I recognise that I'm the problem in his eyes this time along with the area, which he claims has nothing to do.
I can see the depressive clouds forming again. This has culminated with not being spoken to for 48hours+. My fear is that anything I do to change the situation will only be a short term fix; without being prepared to meet me half way and get some help I can't see that there is much more I can do.
Now I'm feeling guilty about feeling how I do when depression is a medical issue. I've had better Wednesdays.
D
2007-07-04 @ 10:57